Soliloquy of a Procrastinator

I am not proud of it, but I will admit to being a chronic procrastinator. I am sitting alone in my overheated bedroom, trying to do homework due tomorrow. Before that, my mother coaxed me into taking a long, much-needed nap (which I did), unaware that precious hours would tick by. But instead of buckling down and getting my academic responsibilities over with, I'm reading The New York Times online, obsessively checking my Facebook page, and sipping a steaming cup of hot chocolate. Oh, did I mention that I'm creating imaginary scenarios that go with the music playing in the background? Really, I want nothing more than to read the mountain of books sitting on my desk. It's quite the calamity. 

As I was scrolling through the endless Facebook updates, one in particular struck my fancy: it was an article by The Wall Street Journal titled "To Stop Procrastinating, Look to Science of Mood Repair." It was indubitably a message from the powers that be telling me to get to work. 

I began reading. According to the article, a new approach to tackling the monster of procrastination is to check our mood, but I didn't necessarily find that interesting. A passage in the second paragraph, however, spoke directly to me: 

"Often, procrastinators attempt to avoid the anxiety or worry aroused by a tough task with activities aimed at repairing their mood, such as checking Facebook or taking a nap. But the pattern, which researchers call 'giving in to feel good,' makes procrastinators feel worse later, when they face the consequences of missing a deadline or making a hasty, last-minute effort..."

As this excerpt amply indicates, I procrastinate because feelings of anxiety and worry invade my thoughts. I believe, naively, that, if I put things off, my homework will magically do itself; pen will magically scribble on paper; and my computer will magically tap out words on the keyboard. Yes, that will happen. 

In a way, I am avoiding my responsibilities because they seem intimidating. Scary. Stressful. What if I miss the deadline? What if it's wrong? What if I stay up all night? What if... What if...
"What" and "if" are two words as harmless as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt us, taunt us, torture us. 

Procrastination and "what if" are the monsters in the closet. They are a nuclear war looming on the horizon. They are a writer's worst enemies, but unlike the famous saying "keep your friends close but your enemies closer," they can't be befriended. They can, however, be tamed. They can submit to our will and grow weaker with each passing day as our self-discipline flowers. They are the lions and we are the lion-tamers. 

They can't be stronger than our willpower, can they?