The Magic of the Undead

Halloween is upon us, an we can't deny our lust for the dreadful, yet conversely beautiful, undead.

Teenage girls and middle-aged women cannot resist the allure of vampirism. It is temptation in its purest form.

We dream of the tormented monster, the one who denies his very nature and strives to regain a thread of humanity. We wish him into our lives, into our hearts. We want to love the creature that doesn't want to be loved. Good girls want to change the bad boy. They want him to declare his undying affection for them.

It is true, vampires are the ultimate Doms.

Everything about them--from their looks to their imposing presence--is meant to lure us in. We're nothing more than the sheep happily trotting into the slaughter. 

Why are we, then, so enamored with the notion of the undead? 

There is no easy answer. Vampires force us to indulge in our overarching wickedness. We are inherently aggressive, sometimes driven by our basest instincts. Of course the vampire does not follow the rules. The undead can get away with everything, as they are not limited in the same way that we are. They've had several lifetimes to master stealth and wit, after all. We are covetous of the precious things they have: immortality, the cunning of the ages, their refusal to surrender their youth to Father Time.

This fantasy starts innocently: we want an emotionally available vampire, sweet and gentle, whose nights consist of pampering us and planting kisses on our forehead. But as we mature so do our fantasies. Sweet and gentle is not enough. We want passion, fire and excitement. Feelings and emotions cease to be important. The stereotype of the bad boy, seeking redemption, resonates with us. We want to save the bad boy. We want him to enlist our help. 

But even more scandalous is the fact that we aspire to be like the bad boy. We want to channel our wickedness through sadomasochistic behavior. We want to employ the threat of fangs as a means to fulfill our needs and wants. Equally arousing is the man who uses his fangs to exert dominance.

The vampire is a womanizer. His old world charm is particularly irresistible. It's the perfect tool to mesmerize and draw oblivious young women to them.  

There is no greater womanizer than Count Dracula himself. 

His strange physical deformities (Hairy palms? Really? Think about the connotations) not only seem to work in his favor but make him all the more attractive. Heavy-bosomed women parade behind him, ready to pleasure him and tend to his needs. Hello, blood bags. 

It also helps that he has a way with people and is able to magnetize them. 

I imagine Dracula to be the sugar daddy of vampires. He pays generously for the services afforded him. (If you haven't guessed, the pay is immortality and eternal youth.) Who wouldn't want to offer herself up for a taste of immortality? Don't roll your eyes. We're all greedy, after all. 

Everyone's dying, but you're not old yet. 

We want to stir the monster beneath the surface. Maybe even slough off our good girl skin and indulge in hedonistic behavior. Yes, that sounds like a plan. 

The sexual overtones inherent in vampirism flash like a neon sign. We associate it with the liberation of sexuality, a representation of our primal urges--all of the things that make us uncivilized.

The point is, all I want for Halloween is a vampire. (Edward Cullen is not an option.) 

The Inner Critic is What Holds Us Back

Why do we let fear hold us back? Why are we so afraid to oppose it? Why...?

Do we believe our ideas are not worth expressing? Do we believe ourselves unworthy of recognition, praise?

It's time we unhooked ourselves from our fears. It's time we expressed our ideas loudly and clearly. It's time we sent out into the universe our wishes and desires. It's time we asked for its help. Only then can we eliminate the fear of criticism.

Criticism isn't meant to hurt us; it's meant to push us to do our best possible work. Our inner judge patrols the borders of our comfort zone, making sure we don't venture forth out of that zone. It doesn't want us to take the next big step, to change our possibilities into realities. But must we let it make decisions for us? We must be willing to venture out far beyond the border of comfort. We must not be afraid to act recklessly, because life isn't about playing it safe. It's about placing bets and hoping to win.

Our inner critic won't completely go away. Its mission is to fill our heads with mantras of "you're not good enough" and "this isn't right for you," and the best way to diminish its power of persuasion is to play big and dangerously.

The inner critic does not want to harm us; it wants us to live comfortably. This idea of comfort is what holds us back. We are afraid to explore a world of possibilities, because we've convinced ourselves we will never survive the jungle of madness. Ultimately, this is what our inner critic wants: to force us into submission.

It tells us that, if we don't listen to it, we will only make fool of ourselves and fail. If we don't peel back the many layers of comfort, we will never break the cycle of "I'm not good enough."

We are good enough, and even if we're not, we will be. Reaching a level of good enough takes patience and hard work. Are we willing to spend years upon years perfecting our craft? Creating beauty out of fear? Art out of chaos? We won't know unless we make an effort to ignore our inner critic and set out to do what we were meant to do.

Women are so damn afraid of criticism, but we ought not take criticism personally. Criticism reveals useful information about the person giving it, not about ourselves.

As a matter of fact, it's not such a bad idea to think of criticism as useful feedback to improve a defective aspect of our work. Without feedback, we won't be able to grow into our true selves. Let's keep in mind that feedback is not meant to hurt us, but to challenge us to produce high-quality work.

Feedback is another way of saying: you need to transform your diamond in the rough into an exquisite piece of jewelry.

Polish your diamond and the result will be gratifying. I promise.