Six Reasons Why Cats are Better than Dogs

1. Cats are smart enough to pretend they're stupid. Yes, that's right. Have you ever seen a cat star in a Hollywood movie? No? Why? Because, unlike dogs, cats abhor the thought of spending hours on end memorizing their lines. We have been led to think that dogs are smarter than cats, but are they? Cats are smart enough to say, "I have the I.Q. of a fish. Feed me, pet me, love me, and repeat." Cats exceed at sleeping, eating, pushing their owner's bedroom door open, and dirtying their litter box. Their alleged stupidity is a facade that we naively buy so that we take pity on these feline creatures and adopt them as our own. Cats love the easy life. Does this remind you of your own pet?

2. Cats don't go out for walks. For those of you who despise the thought of walking a pet after an arduous day of work, fear not, for cats despise this just as much as you do. Unlike their more extroverted and noisy archenemy, cats have a litter box. If we were able to condition cats to use a litter box, why can't we do the same with dogs? Must dogs receive the royal treatment? Cats denounce favoritism and praise originality. And because they're each entitled to a litter box, cats believe themselves the ideal pet. Aren't they?

3. Cats won't bark if there is danger lurking nearby. I know you might be thinking, "How is that a good thing?" Well, before you jump to conclusions, hear me out. Just to fabricate a completely hypothetical scenario out of thin air, let's pretend that someone was trying to break into your house and your dog was nearby. Of course your canine friend would most likely bark at the stranger and reveal your hiding place. Cats, on the other hand, wouldn't bother. They would simply scuttle away under your bed and remain there until the danger's passed--or possibly until you were caught off guard and brutally assaulted. I know, I know, this is horrible, but at least you would die a quick and painless death and  save your cat from a violent fate. Cats will thank you for your bravery.

4. Cats won't ask you to play fetch with them.  Cats are, by nature, night owls. Don't expect your cat to be physically active during the day, because you won't accomplish much. Which means that you have 12 hours to relax, run errands, and maybe take a little nap before your little feline friend wreaks havoc by night. No amount of coercion--or catnip--will make a cat stop. Once they get going, that's it. Kiss your sleep good-bye.

5. Cats think you're the pet. This is not meant to be humorous, for it has more than a modicum of truth. The paradox of owning a cat is that you don't own the cat, the cat owns you. Your house, your life, and the cells governing your body become by an unwritten law of the universe property of your cat. There is nothing they won't "mark" and no place is too dangerous for them. 

6. Cats rule the world. Cats are the furry best friends we've always dreamed of having, and their possessive, and often condescending nature, makes for some funny anecdotes about the complexities of their inner world. The reality is that cats rule the world, but they don't want us to know. Someday, when we least expect it, they'll force us into submission. What conniving, treacherous little creatures they are!