1. "People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk." --Stephen King
2. "If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty." --Marilyn Monroe
3. "A laugh is a smile that bursts." --Mary H. Waldrip
4. "What the mind can conceive, it can achieve." --Napoleon Hill
5. "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." --Eleonor Roosevelt
6. "If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it." --Frank Zappa
7. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings." --Robert Bloch
8. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." --Oscar Wilde
9. "Put your hand on a stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." --Albert Einstein
10. "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." --Dave Barry
11. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff."--Anonymous
13. "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." --Miles Kington
14. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." --Billy Sunday
15. "The world of books is the most remarkable creation of man. Nothing else that he builds ever lasts. Monuments fall; nations perish; civilizations grow old and die out; and, after an era of darkness, new races build others. But in the world of books are volumes that have seen this happen again and again, and yet live on, still young, still as fresh as the day they were written, still telling men's hearts of the hearts of men centuries dead." -- Clarence Shepard Day
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